I Have This Cough…

… and it won’t go away.

I get it from time to time. Lasts about two to three months. And it just won’t go away.

It isn’t painful and it doesn’t make breathing difficult. It just clogs up my lungs enough to be a nuisance. More importantly, because I cough every forty-five seconds or so, I have a great deal of difficulty going to sleep.

I’ve tried allergy medication and cough medication. These days, I take enough NyQuil to kick my ass to sleep. But my body is getting used to it and that means I have to take more and more and the amount I need to take now for it to have any effect is getting quite dangerous, so I’ll be slowing down on that.

So, really, the only option I have is taking the NyQuill and staying up as late as possible until I’m literally falling over. That means I’m up way passed where I usually pass out. Just because of this damn cough.

Hugs vs Hugs

First, a new movement among Christian youth groups. Side hugs. And I quote from the rap song: “Jesus never hugged nobody like that!”

I’m not kidding. That’s an actual quote. Here’s the video. See how long you can last.

And, as a counter proposal, I give you an oldie but goodie.

No god. No Jesus. No shotgun blasts or sirens.

Just hugs. For everybody.

(WWJH: Who Wouldn’t Jesus Hug?)

Robbed

I returned home from the car dealership to discover our x-box 360 and wii have both been stolen as well as all the accompanying games. But they didn’t take the Mac.

The police are on their way, but there’s little they can do. I haven’t touched anything.

It’s just material possessions, but now, this place is tainted. I want to move. Right the fuck now. 

And I’m pissed as hell.

The revenge I’m planning is so awful, I cannot write it in public.

Postcards from Poland, Flash Forward

In short, I am having a fucking amazing time in Poland.

I have never signed so many autographs, run so many impromput games and had so many seminars so full of screaming, enthusiastic gamers. Honest to Discordia, you’d think I was a rock star here.

But there’s been a snag.

You see, I’m in the Warsaw Holiday Inn. Because the airline could not find me on the flight.

I gave them my confirmation number. I showed them my boarding pass. They insisted I was not on the flight. They said I was on TOMORROW’s flight and I had a 24 hour layover in Amsterdam.

That would normally be fine, but I don’t have the money for a hotel in Amsterdam. In fact, I don’t have the money for a hotel in Warsaw.

So, I changed up the flight and I have a flight from Warsaw to Amsterdam to Minneapolis to Phoenix. I also got a hotel room in Warsaw thanks to a loan from my parents. And that took a pretty penny’s worth of "roaming charges" from AT&T to manage.

But here I am in the free internet room in Warsaw. I checked up on my e-mail, said hello to my sweetie and now I think I’m going to get some sleep.

Excuse me, Mr. Dan Brown…

An academic who studies symbols is not a "symbolist," nor is he a "symbologist."

The study of symbols is semiotics or semiology.

No college in the world offers a single class on "symbology." They offer classes on semiotics.

For example, pictured left is a real professor of semiotics. He wrote a few books you should read. Books like Name of the Rose, Faucult’s Pendulum, and The Island of the Day Before. Perhaps you should read some of them.

(Although, after reading The Davinci Code, I’m all but certain you’ve already read at least one of the ones I mentioned above.)

Perhaps Mr. Brown, those of us who actually study signs and symbols would appreciate it if you would stop making our jobs harder by making us explain the real history of the Illuminati, the Priory of Sion hoax, the actual meaning of Freemason symbols and History 101.

And would you please refrain from turning every fucking symbol in the world into a secret code for "the sacred feminine?" We’d appreciate it.

Thank you,

John

PS: There is no secret or magic skill in making ambigrams, you idiot. If I sent a fax with an ambigram to your Mary Sue Robert Langdon over the fax, he’d probably go running around the city looking for clues to discover who sent it… rather than hitting *69 and backtracking the call.

Dolt.

“Credit” Is A Con

Two years ago, when I had a whole bunch of credit cards that I hadn’t paid in months, was in debt up to my ears, and couldn’t afford to make my car payments, let alone have insurance or pay my parking tickets from Santa Monica, my credit score was about 600.

Then, I paid off all my outstanding debt and started making regular payments on my active credit cards. I paid off my car entirely, have two credit cards that I’ve made regular payments on, make regular rent payments, and have a Care Credit account for my dental work (which I pay off every month).

And today, my credit score is 330.

"Credit" reports are a con. They’re making it up as they go. They don’t tell you how it works and when they do, their answers are inconsistent with other people’s answers.

It’s a con. It’s always been a con. Always will be.
 

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