(This is a true story.)

We were at a convention negotiating the drinking of a bottle of American Honey. After negotiations, Jessie Foster was responsible for the contents of the bottle disappearing in less than a minute.

Shortly thereafter, he decided to crash the (over 100 person) Poker Tournament. As he passed from table to table, Mr. Foster arranged to have every woman sit on his lap.

At one point, the organizer of the tournament approached me. "Look, we all love Jessie, but he’s disrupting the tournament." I agreed to try getting him out of the room.

I put my hand on Jessie’s shoulder with the intention of saying, "Hey, it’s about time we get out of here."

But Jessie looked at my hand. And then, he looked at me.

He looked at my hand. And then, he looked at me.

And with the friendliest voice and smile, he told me, "I know kung fu." 

And at that precise moment, I knew he was telling the truth.

Later on, after the rest of us mere mortals had succumbed to slumber, Mr. Foster made his way back to the poker tournament. The details of that event, I cannot speak of with any authority.

The Legend of Jessie Foster: Drunk Kung Fu

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